To be, or not to be.

I fell in love all over again this past weekend. With Dirk, with suspending, with life.

I am not one to attach any sort of sentiment to suspending. It hurts. I've only done it a handful of times, and although always an amazing time, it doesn't mean anything to me.
I don't connect with any higher being. It isn't sexual. I don't feel "at peace" while hanging in the air by hooks in my back.
I just zone out and swing around, smiling like a lunatic the entire time. There simply isn't time for me to find anything deep in these moments.


But this past weekend sincerely meant something to me. It touched me in a way I didn't realize it would.

Dirk and I met five (six?) years ago at a suspension event.
Little did I know, that man would change my life and so would his introduction to this amazing experience.

My sisters, brother, best friends and father came to watch me suspend.
They were proud of me. Nothing beats that feeling.
I didn't know my dad had come. He came up to the stage when I was getting cleaned up, and I cried. I cried tears of joy. That moment will forever live in my heart as one of the best of my life.

Dirk suspended me as my partner for the first time. It was our anniversary and I can't think of anything more special. Seeing that proud smile over the stage; that look that's only for me, that's what makes my heart happy. HE'S what makes my heart happy.


Suspending reminds me that I am strong. I have pride knowing that no one can ever take that away from me. I have faith knowing that I only surround myself with people who would never try.